tangentdarko | .05. [voice] sometimes i give myself the creeps sometimes my mind plays tricks on me

I know that what I'm experiencing would be called a "daylight hallucination," but I can't help but think there might be some truth to it, you know? Like maybe it's stuff the Admiral wants us to see.. That's, if I'm not the only one. Otherwise, maybe it's just me. Maybe the Admiral wants me to do something..

I haven't seen Frank for awhile, but I made a new friend. [A beat.] Imaginary.

[There's a short silence, then he starts laughing a little.]

Elizabeth would tell me to take my god damn pills, but she's a bitch, so you can't really listen to most of what she says. [Another pause, then more serious.] But there are other things that have to be taken into account here. You can't just take the entire spectrum of human perception and lump it into the categories of right and wrong. This isn't a fucking Lifeline Exercise. I mean, maybe what I'm seeing is actually there and it's trying to help me.

Fuck, I don't know. I just don't want to worry about getting caught.

[ooc; Donnie's effected by the paranoia and has gained a new imaginary friend. He also is a borderline schizophrenic who hasn't been taking his medication.]

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I'm sorry.. I get a little excited about the way the universe works. I saw something most people don't get to see and now no one can understand me and I don't want to experience it alone.. I just wish that someone could keep up, I guess.

No, I understand what you're saying. I just wanted to hear you explain it a little bit more. I'm not an expert on how a rehabilitation center for the dead should be run. However, I've always had trouble placing my faith in anyone, or anything, including both God and the Admiral. Perhaps that limits me.

Well, cch, I don't even know if God exists or whatever. I just think it's worth considering in a place like this.

If, for the sake of discussion, I take the assumption that God does exist, then I can only accept that my own reasoning is inferior and flawed. However flawed or inferior, I will still use that reasoning, that petty Euclidean reasoning, to judge as I see fit. I don't consider God exempt from that judgment.

Call it hubris, if you'd like, but I'm not sure what more a responsible person can do.

I think it's fair to judge people, but why would you judge God? If you believe he exists, that means you're inferior. And I know choosing to believe in him is kind of a judgment, but it's different from judging his actions or abilities.

Because I also believe that there are certain things that are wrong with this world, and I don't believe any grand final plan or eventual salvation can justify those wrongs. Do you understand?

I think so.

You're saying the floods are wrong, whether they have a good result or not?

No. I wasn't talking about floods.

I'll tell you a little bit about my world. I think we are from around the same year, but a different timeline. The Cold War was heightened to an extreme, and nuclear annihilation was coming certain and soon.

I don't believe a heaven or a god can justify the nullification of the thousands, millions, billions of people who have struggled, and suffered, and sacrificed, and lived. It seems like blasphemy against life itself, and I can't condone that.

That is what I meant, and that's why I feel I can judge God with my flawed human reasoning.

Maybe your Universe doesn't have a God.

I don't think it does.

What do you think this place is?

I don't know. I do know that I don't think it establishes any ultimate moral rules. I don't want to talk about my "crimes," but I think, that whatever supposedly merciful beings created this redemption center ... Well, to be frank, I think they're wrong.

You don't think people should get another chance?

I don't think I need another chance.

You never made any mistakes?

Maybe you should ask if you can go then.

[Laughter, the "this is incredibly fake, but I am vaguely amused" kind of laugh.]

I'm not so naive as to think they would listen to me.

Well it's not like you'll know until you try..

One can say that about many things that can be known to be true even without trying. I'll save myself the embarrassment.

However, I do plan to have a discussion with my warden.

I heard someone got to go home that asked not that long ago.. It's not entirely impossible.

About what?

About why I'm here.

Cool.

.05. [voice] sometimes i give myself the creeps sometimes my mind plays tricks on me

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